"The Psalms invite us to complain, to plot revenge, to accuse God, all in the form-amazing as this sounds-of a prayer. The Psalms assume that God is big enough, powerful enough, and gracious enough to absorb that emotion so that it causes no destruction." This is a quote from a book I am currently reading called "When God Doesn't Answer your Prayer" by Jerry Sittser. The author of this book was the driver of a car accident that took the life of not only his wife, and mother, but also one of his children. Out of all the books on grief I read after my mom died, his book, "A Grace Disguised, How the Soul Grows Through Loss" was the only book I could relate to and that also inspired and encouraged me. This book does the same.
I had a week that started with me wondering what God was doing, I was a little mad that I was not feeling His Presence on this morning and even after asking, I just could not grasp hold of His peace. I was just not getting God at that moment. Have you ever felt that way? These moments make it seem as though God were far away from me, yet I know His Presence has nothing to do with my feelings. In contrast, there are moments were I think I "get" God like in the story I watched the other night called "The Boy Who Came Back from Heaven" (it was on TBN, but is a DVD and book). I "get" God in that story. It is an amazing story of a six year old boy who was in a terrible car accident with his father and see's angels during the accident and continues to see them regularly. It is too amazing to really even describe. In the hour long DVD they do a very good job of explaining the whole story from the father's viewpoint and that of the son. The father is skeptical when he first hears his son speak of seeing angels and even contributes it to his injury, but is convinced of a supernatural encounter the more he hears his son's account. I highly recommend you watch the DVD or buy the book. I just ordered the book myself. As I watched this show and thought about it for so long afterwards, I could just see how the educated and/or unbelieving alike would be quick to think this story a hoax. What it did for me is remind me of God's miraculous hand on all situations. It was a flashing light of His mercy and love. To see real-life circumstances where God shows up so obviously just like He did in the people of Bible times we read about is not far reaching at all to me. Also to be reminded that God is still in the business of using His angels in our lives is encouraging because I tend do dwell on things I can see, but God's Word constantly reminds us to focus on what is Not Seen. It seems in His Character to be merciful enough to know that in this current world we need reminders to focus on the unseen. God does not allow His angels to be seen everyday, in every circumstance. This is the mystery of Him. Why would He allow a six year old boy to get a glimpse of the unseen world? Could it maybe be a nudge from an All-knowing, All-compassionate God that knows these are not easy days to live in? That knows we need reminders of His glory, His power.
Like I said, I have had some moments lately where my seen world was all too much affecting me and try as I might, I could not keep my focus on the Unseen God. My prayers to Him felt hindered and ineffective. I did not understand what God was up to and I let Him know how I was feeling. I was encouraged to read and be reminded in Sittser's book about how Jacob wrestled with God and prevailed and God commended Jacob for this. He writes about God changing his name to Israel: "Israel, it is a peculiar name and not particularly complimentary. Yet the name reflects a quality of character that God values. It literally means "one who strives with God". Jacob was a fighter, so that became his name - and not only his name, but also the name of God's chosen people, for all time." The author asks the question, "Does our emotion hurt God?". He answers "of course it does. Still, God is able to absorb our emotion and love us, even when we rage against Him. God is like a good parent who is not put off when a frustrated child screams, "I hate you, I hate you", to his mom because she put him to bed early for not completing his chores. God allows us to pour out our hearts to Him and get rid of the poison, regardless of how much there is, so that it can be diluted in the ocean of His love." Very well said.
God's Ways are not mine and how can they be? He is the Sovereign God who created the Universe and all that is in it. He charges His angels to protect me, to intervene, to fight for me in ways I cannot see, that I too easily take for granted. He allows me, even encourages me to wrestle with Him. To vent like the Psalmist did and then to return to Him in faith knowing full well that someday this will all make sense.
Psalm 119:75: "I know, O Lord, that Your judgements are right and righteous and that in faithfulness You have afflicted me."
